Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Surreal Conversations With the Ex Pt. 22

The ex called me today to ask if he could still have Clyde this weekend. We worked out a tentative visitation schedule for him to take Clyde and for me to take Spike during tax season. When we were done I said "Oh God, we just negotiated custody and visitation for our cats didn't we?" He laughed.

We can't even get divorced like normal people.
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Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Easily amused.

Lines that give me a warm fuzzy feeling inside: You're my bitch now.

I heart you Olivia Benson.
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Leg Humping may ensue...

... because I love Nikol Lohr so hard. I'm so making this.

It will take a little time to make, but I love that she just gives you the pattern and tells you how to measure it to yourself. Plus, it's cute and I could totally wear it to work AND she gives yarn variations that aren't going to end with me selling myself on the street for yarn money.

And if you're a knitter or crafter and don't know who Nikol is, she only wrote the awesomest knitting book ever.

Monday, October 18, 2010

My Mother.

Tiffany, Age 7
Tiffany: Mommy can I have those Hello Kitty Halloween stickers?
Mom: No, you don't need Hello Kitty Halloween stickers.

Tiffany, Age 37
Mom: I saw some Hello Kitty Halloween stickers in the store that made me think of you. I bought them and put them in the mail to you.
Tiffany: Awesome, I'll stick them on the cats.

Also, there's something vaguely disturbing about my mother sending me Hello Kitty stickers in a card that makes fun of the fact that my boobs are getting saggy.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Laura is my wife pt.2

Laura and I are walking through the mall on our way to the movie. She complains about her bag being heavy. I offer to carry it. She says no, then there's a moment of silence."Since I'm the husband in this relationship apparently." I add. Laura snickers. We both keep walking.
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Monday, October 11, 2010


Laura is sitting on the couch watching tv and knitting. I'm sitting on the chair watching tv and working. We periodically heckle or swear at each other, but otherwise aren't talking. It's like we're married.


Sweet Jesus, where did the last 10 days go? I vaguely remember showing up at Meg and Joel's to help clean and unpack, and then time just seemed to warp (it's just a jump to the left...).

I had the worst cold I've had in 10 years last week. I took 2 sick days, and spent a total of 3 days doing nothing but laying in bed. I'm still not feeling 100%, and vaguely suspect that I may be down a lung, but I'm at least upright and able to sort of function.

The worst part about being sick is that I haven't gotten anything done around the house. I just haven't felt up to doing any rearranging. Dave was here visiting this weekend, and I made him help me transfer some of my yarn into the other bedroom, but otherwise everything looks about the same way that it did 10 days ago. I've got this weekend completely and blissfully free, so I'm hoping to finish reorganize my office and the hobby room, get the basement cleaned up and possibly rearrange my pantry. Oh, and make applesauce. And maybe spiced honey and praline sauce. Pfft. No problem. I'm not overplanning at all. Right? Right?

Poor Zoe seems to be mostly recovered from being attacked at daycare. Her ear looks good, and I'm going to get the stitches out later this week. I still haven't decided what to do about daycare. Overall I've been mostly happy with them, but this is the second time something has happened to her there, and this time it was really serious. I just don't know if I trust them with my baby anymore.

Ok, time to do some laundry and then head to Laura's. It's supposed to be cocktails and yarn, but since I'm swamped at work it's going to be more like cocktails and swearing at my laptop while Laura smokes, knits and laughs at me.

Friday, October 1, 2010


I'm pleased to report that my house is mine again! Kay is officially moved out as of yesterday. She left a bunch of crap that I'm going to box up and put in the garage and tell her to come get, but she's out of the house, and I have that room back. I spent last night scrubbing it down, smudging and touching up the paint, and started to move my shoes and some of my knitting supplies in there. Next week will be about scrubbing down the rest of the house, starting with the kitchen.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

My brain scares me sometimes.

My boss just sent out an email congratulating me on five year anniversary with my company. Oddly, I still remember what I wore that day, and my first thought was "Wow, I still have those shoes. Maybe this should be a sign that it's time to go buy a new pair of kickass black heels."

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Suprisingly Profound

Relationship wisdom compliments of Two and a Half Men:

"Love isn't blind, it's retarded."
Reasons I'm glad I don't work downtown: I would want to eat at Au Bon Pain everyday. Mushroom bisque and baguette ftw!

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

While I'm being sick and cranky.

Dear Amazon,

Why is it that no matter how many times, ways and places I change my name in my profile, you continue to call me by my ex's name? Do you need a copy of my divorce decree too?

I think I need to watch another bad movie to improve my mood.

Insert retina detaching eyeroll here.

Dear male of the species:

Yes, I have three cats. No, your pussy jokes are not original, creative or funny. But thank you for reminding me why I prefer the company of my cats.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Nothing to see here, move along.

Man, I have to stop staying up until midnight. There's no way I'm going to get back in the habit of running every morning otherwise.

The urge to buy yarn is almost overwhelming, but I have three more projects to finish before I can buy anymore. I should probably start working on that hat if I'm going to be Jayne for Halloween huh?

A third of the way through the month and the roommate is showing no signs of starting to pack. Awesome. It's nice to see that her move out is going to be as disorganized as her move in was. I just can't wait to live alone. Since my girls weekend in October has been cancelled I'm going to spend that weekend repainting that room and setting it up as my craft room.

Urgh. Need to find more coffee.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Stress Reduction Strategies

I've lost about 20 pounds since the ex moved out, just because I eat better when he's not around. It's got me thinking that I'd really kind of like to actively work at losing more, but my problem is that I'm a stress eater, and my job stresses me out. So I'm trying a new strategy. I'm bringing my knitting to work with me, and everytime I get stressed out, I'm knitting a row on my project. I'm predicting that I'll finish a sock a week. I told a coworker this plan (she's in the next office over), and her comment was "that will be great, then you can start knitting socks for all of us".


Tuesday, August 24, 2010


Account Services got my name changed yesterday. There's something intensely satisfying about seeing the correct name pop up everytime I send an email. I feel like I can breathe again.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Dear Knitty Contributors,

Those of us who aren't getting free yarn can't afford to buy 10 skeins of Noro. Please consider providing some affordable yarn options.

No love,


Friday, August 13, 2010

Wait, what?

Could someone explain to me how it is that I'm the only person in my department with a zombie plan, but I didn't get to work on the Night of the Living Dead project? I'm very disappointed.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Hold Please.

I reserved this blog months ago, intending to replace the one I had when I finished law school and make a fresh start after my divorce. I had these grand plans about making a celebratory "I'm divorced!" post and having all kinds of fanfare and joyousness about it.

The sad truth is that it's three months since I've filed for divorce, six months since I threw Joel out, and I'm starting to feel like it's never going to end. Ramsey County is giving me the supreme run around, and I can't get an answer as to what the hell the hold up is. My only solace is that the judge my case is assigned to is up for re-election next year, so I can vindictively vote against him. I'm sure he doesn't give a damn about my one piddly vote, but damnit, it will make me feel better. And if no one runs against him I'll write myself in.

The wait is grinding on me. The divorce is uncontested, and there aren't any children involved. There's not much to do, which is why it's so ridiculous that it's taking so long. And while Ramsey County completely fails to get their shit together, I'm left on hold. I can't change my name, can't get the house titled in my name, can't transfer the title on my car, nothing. I'm just left sitting here playing the hurry up and wait game.

I'm ready for it to be over.